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Jennifer Leigh: Romance and DatingFell off the Wagon
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Email questions and stories to Jennifer
JenniferLeighIRC@aol.com
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Jennifer Leigh has spent many years advising couples, and helping singles to cope, manage and improve their interpersonal relationships. Especially within a society in which the odds seem against lasting partnerships. Jennifer Leigh Is not a Doctor, just a real woman with real experiences, and the logic that comes from being a "neutral" Listener to you and your needs. |
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JenniferLeighIRC
@aol.com
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Fell off the Wagon
Dear Jennifer,
Let me start by saying that I love my wife, I really do. When we met she was a recovering alcoholic, I myself have never had addiction problems. The woman I met and knew during sobriety was the most incredible blessing ever to enter my life. Now she is no longer the same woman, two years ago she "fell off the wagon" so to speak, and now I am living with someone who I don't know. The real her is some where inside of her, I know that, I just don't know how to bring her back. I am dealing with a person who now behaves irrationally, and is filled with paranoia. My life once beautiful, is now a nightmare, I am accused of many things. When she was sober she never minded that I had close platonic women friends; I grew up with all sisters so relating to women was always easy for me. She even got along famously with them all, now she believes that I am sleeping with them. I have tried every avenue to seek help ALNON and AA. None are helping what will I do?
SM
Dearest SM,
This is a difficult one for me to address as I am opposed to substance abuse, but not judgmental to those who are abusing the substance. We all have our demons, and we all make the mistake of letting those demons occasionally come out on those we love, and treasure. You have obviously been in contact with the right groups and people, but in the end it has to be your wife's decision to love herself, and you more than the bottle. She has to want it and she has to want it first and foremost for herself.
Self destruction comes about for a reason, so does recovery, what caused her to want to recover the first time, and do you know what is hurting her so much inside that it is making her want to damage herself? You need to help her find the answers. I believe that if we truly love someone it comes with the good and bad, but if things get too bad and it causes you to suffer then you may need to leave. Keep with the expert groups, they can advise you better than I can. But ask yourself this; could you imagine your life without her? If the answer is no, then stick it out, help her fight this thing and most of all beat it! I wish I could help you more. I have a friend who is a functioning alcoholic, and I try to get her to stop, but I soon realized that it has to be something she wants, she has to want to love, and like who she is. But I won't give up on her either, ever. You have some things to consider, Good luck!
Love Jennifer Leigh
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For those of you who have dated through meeting on the internet, I would like to hear your stories, good or bad for an upcomming column, as well as any advice you can give to those looking for love online. Please email me at enniferleighIRC@aol.com
Also I am researching the issues of trust in a society where infidelity is becomming common place. Please send your stories on how you keep faithful, or how unfaithfulness has occured in your life as well as the effect it has had on you, or on how you recover to trust again. Your opinion counts and helps all who read them. Share your experiences with others as it can enrich and help others in their struggles. JenniferleighIRC@aol.com |
Email questions and stories to Jennifer
JenniferLeighIRC@aol.com
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Can you think of anything that cures the heart more than the water and the setting of the sun?"
- Photo by Jennifer Leigh |
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Thanks for all the interesting questions. Take care until next time!
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